


looking for a lifetime with you

by leiascully



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiascully/pseuds/leiascully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt looks back on his relationship with Alex on their twentieth anniversary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	looking for a lifetime with you

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: future  
> A/N: For an anon on tumblr who wanted Matt watching videos. Title's from "Champagne High" by Sister Hazel, slightly mis[leadingly]quoted  
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction that bears no resemblance to and claims no knowledge of the people about whom it is written..

Twenty years of non-marriage ought to be worth at least an anniversary dinner, but when Matt puts on the tux, it isn't because they've got reservations at some place with Michelin stars and bottles of wine that start at three figures. Alex is getting a lifetime achievement award tonight of all nights, and he's nine-tenths bursting with pride and one-tenth irritated she hasn't already got one, and if they were going to do it, why on this night of all nights? He was hoping for something a little less unwieldy than a gown, although he's certain that when she emerges from wherever she and Karen and the makeup artist have tucked themselves away, she's going to be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. But then again, she always is.

There's a comfy chair in the lounge, at least. He does love a comfy chair, especially now that he's not quite as young as he used to be. None of them are: Kaz has got silver streaks in her hair, Arthur's got creases around his eyes, and Alex has developed some kind of unearthly luminescence (or perhaps that's his eyes going and his heart pounding). He thinks of when he met them all, lo these many years ago. It doesn't seem like it can have been a quarter-century already. Especially with Alex - always with Alex. Every day he's discovering something new about her to love.

There's giggling down the hall - some things never change - and Matt smiles. He pulls out his phone and thumbs up a video app. A retrospective, why not, since he's about to watch one of Alex's career. He might as well watch one of their relationship. Arthur sent him a link to something the fans had put together at some point, loads of interviews and clips. It's more than a bit strange that so many strangers seem so invested in his relationship, but sweet, in a way. After all, the fans are who keep him employed. He supposes it's nice that they care.

"Memories," Arthur's email says. "See you at the show."

Matt clicks on the first video: it's a clip of his first kiss with Alex on-screen. Oh, he remembers it well. He'd planned to flail away a bit, but then he couldn't help himself sliding his hand over her shoulder and down her back, pulling himself closer to her despite the bars. He dreamed about it for weeks after, waking up with the scent of her perfume drifting through his bedroom. And then slightly out of order, a clip of her crashing through the open door of the TARDIS to land on him, which he still thinks was a brilliant suggestion, and not just because of the way her body felt against his. She swept him off his feet even then. He remembers every single take with perfect clarity. Her knee had wedged itself between his thighs, almost too close for comfort, and he'd felt the heat of her breath against his face as she recovered from the impact of chest against chest. He'd let his hands linger on her back and she'd smiled at him, so warm and welcoming he'd almost kissed her right then and script be damned.

In retrospect, perhaps he ought to send the Moff a thank-you note, with a pointed little postscript about how River ought to have been in more episodes. But what's done is done, and it's all worked out perfectly.

A clip of the four of them, all of Team TARDIS, dancing on the beach in Utah between takes in those ridiculous parkas. He chuckles to himself, settling deeper into the comfy chair. A bit of Alex in an interview, talking about kissing him with tongues, and a bit of Alex talking about rabbits as well, which hasn't got much to do with him, or hadn't at the time anyway, and a bit of Alex in an interview talking about being in his flat while Craig Ferguson teases her about spending the night. Well. That's a fair cop. And then there are bits of him talking about Alex, about how he loves working with her, how kissing her is bliss, how she could flirt with a fish. He's said a lot of utter rubbish, that's certain, but just because his phrasing was awkward doesn't mean it wasn't true. He apparently talked about how River makes the Doctor say "Yowza", which was even in the script, more than once. He never did talk about tongues, though. He's proud of himself for keeping that together.

But he remembers the tongues. Even in that first kiss, leaning over the threshold of the Stormcage set, he remembers the flicker of her tongue against his. And lord, there's a clip of the kiss from the wedding, and he doesn't know how he ever didn't know that it was Alex, that it would always be Alex, because even watching her kiss him leaves him a little breathless, and he was there at the time. There was loads of tongue in that kiss. Even now, he feels the warmth spread through his body, remembering that kiss. And there's the goodbye kiss, the tragedy of it, when he let all the words he'd left unsaid fill his mouth and breathed them into hers, and she kissed him back until he could taste all her hopes and fears and delight, and it might have been the end of Who, but it was the start of something wonderful. There's a clip of him, holding Alex against him after take two or three of the wedding kiss, telling Arthur what a lucky boy he is, and that's never stopped being true.

There are clips of the two of them at awards shows, holding hands on the red carpet. He remembers her grace at the sight of her ex, and the way her enormous rings dug into his hands as she clutched at him when no one was looking. He squeezed back, lending her his strength. She has always amazed him with the enormity of her self-possession. Her ex ended up presenting at that one, handing Alex a shiny statue and leaning in for a kiss on the cheek. Matt remembers the momentary tightness of her face and the way she looked straight at him as she accepted the award, her expression relaxing from upset to delighted as she caught his eye. He'd stood up and clapped until he nearly fell over.

There's the 60th Anniversary of Who - Alex sleek in her River Song jeans, and he couldn't resist running his hands over her arse and thighs backstage, and she brandished her toy pistol at him as a joke, and it was surprisingly sexy. They unlocked a whole new dimension of their relationship after that. He adds the costume department to his mental list of necessary thank you notes.

There's a video of them with Arthur after one of his Broadway things, the three of them and Alex's daughter, all of them laughing about something, and then Kaz walking up as a surprise. Matt feels the swell of happiness all over again, watches him sling one arm around Alex's waist and the other over Kaz's shoulders and pull them both close as Kaz swung Sal's hand in hers and Arthur put his chin on Kaz's shoulder. 

There's Alex, giving an interview on Inside the Actor's Studio, blushing a very fetching pink as James Lipton asks gently if the rumors are true? Is life imitating art and she's becoming the Doctor's wife? She's quick to correct him - she and Matt aren't getting married, because she's done the marriage thing before, but yes, thank you, they're very happy together. Matt watches himself blow her a kiss from the front row and the saucy wink she gives him is still potent.

There's himself, talking about the movie he got nominated for an Oscar for (didn't get it, oh well, still time enough, he supposes), with Alex beaming at his side. And there he is talking about how they did Hamlet together and she ran him through all his lines in the airport while their flight was delayed, to the raucous applause of the stranded passengers. He chuckles to himself at the memory: they'd even drafted a couple of theater students to play minor roles, and a couple of startled medical students had agreed to read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. He'd liked them. 

There's a clip of Sal talking about a play she wrote for a local theater as he and Alex stand proud and pleased in the background. Fresh out of college, she was. There's footage from the live feed of her graduation too, briefly, and he'd be vexed about that if he weren't so glad someone captured the moment when she burst out of the crowd of gowned graduates and flung herself into Alex's waiting arms. Anyway, it was a public feed. 

God, it's been a struggle, keeping his personal life personal and his public life public. It's a difficult balance between giving the people what they want and keeping enough for himself and for his family. He suspects it's worse because they're both actors, and worse yet because they were lovers on-screen before they were together off-screen - the media can never resist a story like that. But it's been worth it, every minute, even when he's been furious about the cameras, even when he's had to put on a jovial face at a difficult moment or pretend things were other than they were for one reason or another. Because it hasn't been easy, the last twenty-odd years, but it's still been the best thing he's ever done. 

The next video is a montage of most of their public appearances of the last ten years, set to some pop song he hums along to, and it's almost funny how often they've gazed into each other's eyes when they were supposed to be watching something else. There's a flurry of clips of them holding hands, his fingers surreptitiously finding hers under the edge of a table, her thumb rubbing idly over his knuckles as he answers questions, his shoulder crowding against hers as he leans in close to whisper in her ear and their hands clasp. He's more than a little impressed by all the footage, honestly, but then again, cameras are always everywhere at those events.

The montage cuts to him and Alex out and about at events, him and Alex whispering, him and Alex hugging, him and Alex kissing, and Matt isn't even surprised when his eyes start to prickle. It's too much, seeing so many years of their love packed into such a deftly edited little package. He knows he's going to enjoy whatever the crew put together for the revue of Alex's work, but it won't be anything like this. He loves watching her work, but he loves watching _her_ more, and if the woman in the videos isn't quite the woman he comes home to and cooks with and wakes up with, it's closer than Gertrude or Elizabeth Corday or Moll Flanders or anyone else whose skin she's slipped into over the years.

"Matthew?" Kaz pokes her head around the door. Same moon face as ever, although her hair's pinned up tonight, not swinging loose around her face like the Pond days. "There's nothing left that can spill, so you're unbanished."

He pushes himself up and slips his phone back into his pocket. He wipes at his eyes. At least they're happy tears. At least he's not the one with eyeliner on tonight. He straightens his bowtie and saunters down the hall.

"Hello, sweetie," Alex says, gazing at him in the mirror, and he makes sure his answering smile is lazy and full of promise. 

Kaz groans. "You're still saying that?"

"It got to be a habit," Alex says. "Sometimes it just slips out."

"I don't want to know," Kaz says firmly.

"You look amazing," Matt says. "Not a quote. Just me."

"Thank you," Alex tells him. "Likewise."

"Good," Kaz says. "Save the sap for the afterparty. I'll thank you for remembering that I'm not part of this relationship."

Alex laughs. "Practically."

"Well, you two are the best," Kaz says. "And if you ever tell Arthur I expressed a legitimate emotion about somebody else's relationship, I'll go so Scottish on you you'll have a brogue for a week."

Matt holds up his hands. "I haven't even said anything!"

"The way you look at each other is enough," Kaz says with mild disgust. "Mind you, that is an absolutely stunning gown."

Alex stands up. The gown is lovely, a dignified deep purple to which she's added a vivid wrap in turquoise and silvery grey, because she's Alex and she refuses not to wear color. It's all right with him - he's enjoying his purple bow tie and grey waistcoat. He offers her his arm.

"Ready to be rewarded for your lifetime of achievement?" he teases.

She lets out a long breath. "Ooh. I suppose I'd better be. I'll be pleased when it's your turn."

"I've already got my reward," he tells her, kissing her lightly on the forehead. Alex smiles up at him until he thinks he'll either float away with the next step he takes or his heart will break with the immensity of how stupidly much he still loves her, after all this time.

"Get a room," Kaz says.

"We'd have this one, but you're in it," Matt tells her. "Now come along, Moon."

"I'm texting Arthur and telling him you're in one of those moods," Kaz grumbles. "Where's that daughter of yours?"

"Meeting us in the actual auditorium," Alex says. "My sister's picking her up from the airport."

"Then the gang's all here," Kaz says. " _And_ you'll have to keep it relatively clean at the afterparty, thank God. And happy anniversary or not-anniversary or whatever it is you crazy kids celebrate. I suppose they're not handing out trophies for that, but they probably should. And don't look at me, or I'll have mascara everywhere."

Matt reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently as Alex leans into him. She gives Kaz a soft, fond look.

"You really are very sweet, Karen."

"Whatever," Kaz says gruffly. "Now shut up. We can't be late, and I'm writing my toast in my head."

Matt thinks of the videos, the hundreds of moments together, the endless hours he and Alex have spent in the same frame putting on one act or another for the cameras. But there was always something real in it, always something more true than the camera could see, a connection between them that's as sure and steady as his heartbeat. He raises her hand to his lips and kisses her knuckles. 

"You and me, eh?" he says quietly.

"That's right," Alex tells him. "Now don't make me stand around in these heels all night, darling. My knees aren't what they used to be."

"Nothing wrong with your knees," he teases her as they walk, Kaz trailing behind them with her phone in her hand. "Nothing wrong with any bit of you. I've checked. I don't even think you need those sexy glasses. Now there's a lifetime achievement."

"Daft man," she says with a smile. "Now put on a pretty face for the camera."

And he will, over and over, hoping that that something of their love is preserved forever on film, beaming out across the universe, playing on an infinite loop so that they are always looking, always touching, always kissing, always standing strong together, bathed in the light of each other's eyes.


End file.
